Collected Wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy

•  A day without sunshine is like . . . night.
• On the other hand, you have . . . different fingers.
• 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• Remember, half the people you know are below average.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
• Support bacteria! They're the only "culture" some people have.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Change is inevitable. Except from vending machines.
• If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
• How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
• OK . . . so what is the speed of dark?
• When everything finally seems to be coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• What happens if you get scared half to death . . . twice?
• Hey, just why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happened?"
• Just remember, if the world didn't suck we'd all fall off.
• Light travels faster than sound. That explains why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.