Collected Wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy
- A day without sunshine is like . . . night.
- On the other hand, you have . . . different fingers.
- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Remember, half the people you know are below average.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
- Support bacteria! They're the only "culture" some people have.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Change is inevitable. Except from vending machines.
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
- OK . . . so what is the speed of dark?
- When everything finally seems to be coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- What happens if you get scared half to death . . . twice?
- Hey, just why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happened?"
- Just remember, if the world didn't suck we'd all fall off.
- Light travels faster than sound. That explains why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.