Dear Civilians!

We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand.

Here are a few of the areas we would like your assistance:

1.) The next time you see an adult talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem, kick their butt.

2.) When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in protest, kick their butt.

3.) Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks them in their butt.

4.) If you were never in the military, do not pretend that you were. Wearing camouflage, telling others that you used to be "Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay if you were still seven. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your butt kicked.

5.) Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, "Do you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an butt kicking (children are exempt.)

6.) If you witness someone calling the U.S. Coast Guard nonmilitary, inform them of their mistake and then kick their butt.

7.) Roseanne Barr's singing of the National Anthem was not a blooper. It was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh, and sooner or later your butt will be kicked.

8.) Next time Old Glory goes by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her. Of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe butt kicking.

9.) What Jane Fonda did during the Vietnam War makes her the enemy. Just mention her nomination for "Woman of the Year" and get your butt kicked.

10. ) Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans and we all bleed the same regardless of our party affiliation. The President is our Commander in Chief regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives meet. All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. The military member might direct you to Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your butt already.)

11.) "Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me. If she did, she would most likely be a vet and, therefore, could kick your butt!

12.) Bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop saying "Let's go kill those Commie's!" And stop asking us where he is! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me If you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers; let me know so I can go kick their butts.

13.) Flyboy (Air Force), Jar Head (Marines), Grunt (Army), Squid (Navy), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Doing so will get your butt kicked.

14. ) Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of sailors and troops far from home wishing they could be with their families.

Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its butt kicked.



"Freedom is Knowledge"