A very elderly gentleman, (mid-nineties) very well dressed,
hair well groomed great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling
slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after
image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the
bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink,
takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do
I come here often?"
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number
of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have
him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman
to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said "Your hearing is perfect. Your family
must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family
yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've
changed my will three times!"
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting
on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches
and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and
after eating the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last
night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great!
I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What
is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You
know ... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes ... yes ... that's the one," replied
the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose,
what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found
one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed
with a suitcase at his feet who insisted he didn't need my help
to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me
wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his
wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still
upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."