Can't eat beef . . . Mad Cow!
Can't eat chicken . . . Bird Flu!
Can't eat eggs . . . Salmonella!
Can't eat pork . . . fears exist that Bird Flu infects
Can't eat fish . . . heavy metals in the waters have
poisoned the fillet!
And you can't eat fruits and veggies . . . contaminated
with insecticides and herbicides!
That leaves only chocolate, but maybe chocolate is a vegetable.
Let's reason this out:
Chocolate is derived from the cocoa beans that is found inside
the fruit of the Cocoa Plant. But the bean is not a fruit.
It's a seed. So we are still safe. Add sugar that is derived
from sugar cane and not sugar beets, and you're still not
eating a vegetable. . . or fruit either when eating chocolate.
Thus, chocolate is not a meat, fish, fruit, or a vegetable.
But chocolate used in candy bars contains milk, which is
a dairy product. But Mad Cow is always referred to when eating
beef and never when drinking milk.
So this all leads us to the conclusion that candy bars must
be a health food. Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange
slices and strawberries all count as fruit, but candy bars
without these additives are safe for you to eat.
If you're now STRESSED about eating only candy bars, that's
okay, too. Stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS. You're