Sorry about this, folks, but what would
life be like without a little pun?
1. Two vultures . . .
board an airplane, each carrying
two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm
sorry, Gentlemen. Only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils .
grew up in South Carolina.
One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed
behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The
second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. There were two Eskimos
. . .
sitting in a kayak. They
were cold so they lit a fire, and the craft sank. It only proved,
once again, that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
three-legged dog . . .
walks into a saloon in the
Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm
looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about
. . .
the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental
6. A group of chess enthusiasts
. . .
checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the
office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he
said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
7. A woman has identical
twins . . .
and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family in Spain and they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
friars . . .
were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival
florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked
the good brothers to close down, but they would not. He went
back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired
Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as
you know, walked barefoot . . .
most of the time, which produced
an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. There was the person
who sent ten different puns to friends . . .
with the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, NO PUN
IN TEN DID.