Things You'll Never Read on a Hallmark Card

(. . . at least not in the foreseeable future.)

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire . . .
I noticed your cat.

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me.
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder,
"What the hell was I thinking?" 
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband. 
How could two people as beautiful as you,
Have such an ugly baby? 
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love . . .

After having met you.
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am . . .
That you're not here to ruin it for me. 
Congratulations on your promotion.
However, before you go . . .

Why not take this knife out of my back?
You'll surely need it again.
Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
We have been friends for a very long time . . .
Let's say we stop?
I'm so miserable without you,
it's almost like you're here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was? 


Thanks to cuz Gail of Pennsylvania



"Freedom is Knowledge"