Instructions for the Most Successful Society Ever to Inhabit Earth . . .

. . . must be first sanitized - and lawyer-proofed - for the most very stupid among us?


The Logic Snatchers - they walk among us!

Remember the idiot who didn't want to buy the optional light for his new bike - when his purpose for buying the bike was to ride at night - then suing the manufacturer because the bike didn't have a light and the car that hit him couldn't see him. . . and then winning with a jury of his peers?

It just goes to prove that when you put 12 stupid people together in the name of democracy and call it justice, they will try to say we get the best system in the world. And if you believe that, I have this bridge in Brooklyn . . . along with these little instructions for life to help some get safely through the day.


On a Sears hairdryer.

"Do not use while sleeping."

On a bag of Fritos.

"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

On a bar of Dial soap.

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

On some Swanson frozen dinners.

"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (of course, it's just a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert.

Printed on bottom: "Do not turn upside down."

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding.

"Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

"Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine.

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

On Nytol Sleep Aid.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On most brands of Christmas lights.

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

On a Japanese food processor.

"Not to be used for the other use."

On Sainsbury's peanuts.

"Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of nuts.

Instructions: "Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's superman costume.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw.

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."



"Freedom is Knowledge"