In The Beginning

(Part 1)

In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach with green, yellow, and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives in Paradise.

Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan couldn't resist giving Him a hard time and created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream along with Krispy Kremes. And Satan asked,"You want hot fudge with that?"

Man answered: "You bet!"

And Woman said: "I'll have one, too, with a lots of color sprinkles."

And lo and behold they gained 10 pounds each.

And God responded by creating a healthful yogurt that Woman might keep her pretty figure that Man found so fair. But Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.

So God said: "Look over here, my children, try my fresh green garden salad." And Satan agreed and presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts.

God then said: "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them for added taste." And Satan agreed and brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own large platter. And Man's and Woman's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan agreed and peeled off the healthful skin, sliced the starchy center into potato chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man and Woman packed on more pounds, looking like Mr. and Mrs. Doughboy.

God then brought forth Nike running shoes so His naughty children might lose those extra pounds they had been putting on. But Satan introduced cable HDTV digital television with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels, becoming the first couch potato. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering 1080i images, later upgrading their wardrobe to wearing stretchy lycra jogging suits purchased from Paradise's "Fat City."

God then created lean beef so that Man and Woman might consume fewer calories and still satisfy their appetite. Satan agreed but instead created McDonald's and the 99-cent Double Cheeseburger Special.

Then Satan asked Man and Woman: "Do you want golden fries with that?"

And Man replied: "Yep, and super size 'em, too!"

And Satan said: " It's good."

And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest. God sighed is disgust and reluctantly created quadruple by-pass surgery. Satan chuckled and created the Canadian Health Care System.