The following is said to have come from an anonymous Austin, Texas, mother, her scenario titled, “Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):”
She wrote these tidbits of truth and consequences for those who decide to give birth to children in America:
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house four inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A three-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog’s leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy, wearing Batman underwear and a Superman Cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. Glass windows (even double-pane) don't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11. Play dough and microwaves should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject peanut and butter sandwiches even though some TV commercials may show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department where we live in Austin, Texas, has a five-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
a.) . . . with no children, this will be totally hysterical
b.) . . . .who already had their children, this is hilarious.
c.) . . . who now have children this age and truly feel sorry for them.
d.) . . . who have young children, it is a warning of coming days.
e.) . . . who have not yet had any children, it’s an excellent birth control.