"I'm the life of the party . . . even if it lasts into the night until 8 p.m. "

"I'm very good at opening childproof caps... with a claw hammer. "

"I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I was going."

"I'm awake many hours before my body says I can get up."

"I'm smiling all the time, mostly because I can't hear a thing you're saying."

"I'm very good at telling stories . . . over and over and over and over and over and over."

"I'm very aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine, and I'll tell you so, too."

"I'm so cared for. I have long-term care, eye care, private nurse care, doctor care, dental care, home care, and Medicare."

"I'm not really as grouchy as I seem. I just don't like little things like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials, Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, barking dogs, politicians, and a few other things I can't seem to remember right now."

"I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place . . . somewhere."

"I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy . . . and that's just my left leg."

"I'm having trouble remembering simple words like . . . "

"I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps."

"I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, but listen, when did they let these young kids become policemen?"

"I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at what seems 150? And now on top of it my kids are older than I sometimes feel."

"I'm a walking storeroom, keeping tons of facts locked away for later retrival. I just need a few minutes to think where I hid the key."

Contributed by Jim of New Jersey. Some lines have been edited by your Webmaster from personal experience.

"Freedom is Knowledge"